I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
