The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
high people should be assigned attendants
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
