I'll bet she douches with gravy.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
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