Don't you send me to vm
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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