they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
