I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
