it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
