Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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