my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
