I am puke
your room smells of hookers.
And success
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
