I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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