I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Are we in a gay sports bar?
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Randomize
