Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Randomize
