i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
