the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
