so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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