So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
