I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
