Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
