20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
