We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
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