So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
