cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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