Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
