nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Randomize
