At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
