So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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