This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
