well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
