I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
