Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
