i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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