...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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