I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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