I wish I could teleport
So drunk its hurt
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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