walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
