Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
