I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
