You're completely useless in the revolution.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Found your dick twin last night
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
