tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
