Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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