i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
