who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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