thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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