My balls are so social today.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
