I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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