at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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