Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
