Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
