I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
