That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
